Sunday, May 31, 2020

A mom who is there 12.5% of the time

The weekend is nearly over! 

In line with yesterday's post about Stoic habits, I am going to quickly jot down some thoughts for today before calling it a night. Actually I really just want to close up the house and tuck into bed right now; no wonder Marcus Aurelius (the guy who invented Stoicism) did his daily musings in the morning. But what on earth do you have to write about when you haven't started your day yet?

dinosaur cosplay inflatable lazada malaysia

I got an adult and kids-size inflatable dinosaur cosplay from China... just because Jed loves dinosaurs. 

My mom responsibilities. 

Because of my childhood, to this very day I am convinced that I am one of those people who should not have children; I am simply not maternal by nature. So there is a lot of guilt that God let me have the two best babies in the world and like every other parent, I do try my best for them... most of the time. Kind of.

We are lucky to have help around the house and my main responsibility is now focused towards keeping track of the household expenses and keeping the business sustainable. I have outsourced the typical mom duties e.g. showering, diapering, feeding, cooking, cleaning and putting the kids to sleep. When it comes to my children, all I really do is play, hug, kiss, adore and annoy them in the morning, afternoon and evening before bedtime. 

So today I calculated that I only spend 12.5% of the time with my children every day, even during weekends like these where I am at home for two days in a row. Once the duties are done and play has been accomplished, I go upstairs into my office and start working because I can and also because I am happy when I work. 

Will my children be happier if I am with them all the time when they are awake? This was what I used to worry about all the time.

Now that I have been a mom for 4 years I realise that it's not the hours that matter, but the quality of the moments you spend together. Actually, some time apart also allows the child to increase their awareness to their surroundings as they learn to be independent much faster without a parent (even a lazy, non-excitable parent) hovering over them. 

But I know that even now, even though I know it's fine that I only spend a few hours with them everyday, I will always have the guilt following me around. 

If J&J are adults and they are reading this now, please know that I am working on being a mom that you can be proud of, a mom that can provide the best for everyone and no matter how busy the day gets, I will always drop everything for you whenever you need me. 

I am there 12.5% of everyday, but I will be there for you every day, 365 days a year. Except maybe when I'm feeling under the weather and don't feel like getting up, then come hop into bed with mummy, OK? 

This morning she really wanted her mommy so we hung out in my room while I showered, we put on makeup together and then had 10-minute coffee and hot chocolate drinks & chit chat together while sitting on the floor. She made the hot chocolate all by herself using the coffee machine and that black garment draped over her is my dress that she liked and wanted to wear. 


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