Thursday, July 16, 2020

Do you respect your spouse?

I like to think that I am the mysterious sort of woman, so my husband never knows when I disappear to the hair salon or get my nails done (this was a long time ago, way before my kid does my manicure pedicure for me). He doesn't know I had facial acupuncture done because I wasn't sold on Botox yet and one day I came home with two extra piercings in my ear; another time I came home with a Brazilian wax and another time with semi-permanent eyebrows.

That man has nooooooo idea, he doesn't even know when I put on my facial masks and I like to keep it that way. I think the less he knows, the more convinced he'll be that my beauty is perfectly effortlessly effortless.

On the other side of the coin...

Guys have totally NO INHIBITIONS about every fart and burp they produce. He walks around with a sarung wrap and no underwear around the house and he has other worldly vices that he is unabashed to share with me and his close friends.

So my point is on top of being the de-facto leader in running the house, family and business, I have also been working hard on maintaining a civilised, alluring sense of decorum around my husband. He has never asked me to do this, but I just do it for my own accord.

It's hard not to compare when you live with someone for so long and feel like there's a sense of superiority over how you manage to adult so much better than the other person.

And then that leads to judging the other person, which then leads to less respecting that person.

Why does he live that way?

Why can't he live better?

Which finally boils down to ... why can't he live just like me?

Which is impossible and weird to think of. Boys live like boys and girls live like girls. That's why they are boys and that's why you are a girl.

And just like how we are tolerant of other people in society, couldn't we also extend that tolerance and admiration to our spouses as well?

Yes, we can. Even if they don't put the seat up from the toilet bowl and even if they chew with their mouth open.

For the past years I have been living with the philosophy of just accepting whatever minor transgressions, but maybe these are not transgressions at all. Maybe things are different if I just look at it as I am living with someone I respect.

For example if I was living with Keanu Reeves, the dude could do anything he want around the house and I would still be in awe of him.

So I will try to remember that I married this guy because I also respect him, even if the way he lives is not like me, it's definitely carefree and happy which in itself is very admirable.

For my self care today -

Hazelnut latte from Starbucks because of the heavy rain, I got an extra cup for my husband as a surprise

Yoga and blogging before a hot shower and facial mask together with comic book reading.

Also, not to forget that I had a really good time playing with the kids and husband after dinner time. All in all an interesting day as I continue reading the book.

(If this is your first time here, this is a continuation discussion from this blog post about self care inspired by the book "First Kill All the Marriage Counselors" by Laura Doyle  which I am currently reading in pursuit of finding out how to have a super long marriage that's happy and romantic forever and ever. 


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