Wednesday, July 15, 2020

If you're married, you need self-care


Today I started reading a really interesting book that talked about how the typical marriage ends in dissatisfaction which then ultimately leads to divorce. I have thought of this problem many, many, many times. How can it be that before your marry someone, everything about that person is amazing but after that, the story typically becomes about how the guy can't clean up after himself, doesn't help with kids, takes 8 months to change a lightbulb, etc, you get the idea... essentially in the typical Malaysian marriage the guy is useless around the house and in the marriage. AND WE ACCEPT IT AS THE NORM. 

I do not think guys are useless at all.

But even in my own marriage I must admit that I do 99% of the heavy lifting at work and at home. I think a lot of wives do this too until one day they realise, hey if I'm doing everything around here I can totally kick the guy to the curb. And most of the time they do, the poor dude goes off into a dark bachelor corner somewhere with his PS5 while the wife has a re-birth as a hot single mom with cute kids and an independent career.

But guys are not useless. Guys are amazing, I know this to be true because until this day I still truly believe that Jeffrey is the most amazing guy ever.

So dear married wives, how did we get to the point where we controlled everything in the marriage?

The book I'm currently reading is "First Kill All the Marriage Counselors" by Laura Doyle and it's hard not to be interested in the premise that reading this book and implementing the 6 intimacy tools will improve your marriage in TWO WEEKS.

Yes, yes - after 7 years of marriage I would like a whirlwind romance, even better if it's with the same guy I married to in 2013. So I will let you guys now how it goes! Here is a book review of Laura Doyle's book on Reddit if you would like a quick summary.

I just started so I am on the first pillar today - which is self care. Women need to implement 3 self-cares a day, and I know this is an important step because I just realised I couldn't even think of 3 self-care things I could do for myself. Literally 24 hours of my life every day is dedicated to improving the business or the children's life or my husband's life. Pam didn't use to need anything because for the past 4 years I told everyone and myself that Pam already has everything she wants.

Apparently, I also need self-care.

If you're married, you need self-care

So here is a list of affordable self-care I can start with: 

Daily self care

  • Blogging 
  • Reading
  • Eating something I want everyday 
  • Facial mask 
  • Yoga
  • Meditate 
  • Putting 50% of the amount in my savings account every time I spend something for the family or business 
  • Massage (at home) 
  • Pretty hair everyday 


Monthly self care

  • Making plans with girlfriends 
  • Making plans to eat expensive things 
  • At home manicure/pedicure
  • Hair dyeing
  • Waxing 
  • Buying something silly for myself 


So I think I can slip in 3 self-cares a day for myself and you should too. It shouldn't be something that is beneficial to anybody but yourself - self care should focus on YOU and make YOU feel good. Most importantly, remember to schedule the self-care time in so it doesn't get forgotten in busy days.

I will share more about the other 5 tools soon. Remember to practice self-care! I think it's a great idea.

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